REAL LOVE… (Excerpt taken from the novel ‘Six Days In January)
Written October, 2003
Are you there, God? It's me, William again. I humbly come to you, my creator, with so much to be grateful for. Thank you so much for giving me the strength to rise this morning, and for blessing me with such a beautiful daughter. Thank you for allowing the air to pass through my lungs another day. With each passing day, I continue to praise you, hoping you keep the wondrous light shining down upon me. You have given me a talent I cherish daily, and the fact that my words touch others means so much. At times, the endless cupboard of energy and strength you blessed me with drives people crazy, but my intentions are good, Lord. The sole purpose of the breath you give me is to make a difference.
Recently, I was told that sometimes we have to specifically ask for what we need. So today, I come before your incredible spirit asking for the one thing that has evaded me: A REAL LOVE.
It was so hard rising from bed this morning, as I needed every bit of the strength you provide to will me to this computer. The other day, I said goodbye to love again. Tears met at my chin as another love boarded the train of heartbreak. Her destination: out of my life for good. Lord, I didn't want her to go, but she said we're not in the same place and time of our lives, that our destiny is to be friends. How can you accept that after giving your heart in a sacred way?
You indicated in Proverbs that man cannot direct his own steps, and you were right, Lord; oh you were so right. That is why I now leave the most treasured piece of my existence in your hands; my heart. I apologize for its battered and bruised state, missing pieces and frayed at the edges, please forgive its present condition. Twenty-plus years of excess baggage can do that. The favor I ask from you is to mend it this one last time, for I am a man that truly wants to love unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and completely.Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing left, Lord. Each heartbreaking experience takes something from me. I realize that you created me very different from most men in that I am in touch with my emotions, but it doesn’t make me weak. Because of you, I am both lamb and lion simultaneously. Through your love, you have given me insight on love that many fail to possess, and for that alone, I feel whole. Sadly, when it comes to your beautiful energy and its correlation with my life, it seems to be allergic to my heart.
Lord, you have instructed us to always love as if the first time, however after each bout with the residue a failed love leaves behind when awry has done something to me; it takes longer and longer to open my soul to the goodness I know you have in store for me. Fear can paralyze the warmest of them, and I am frightened of the pain that accompanies hurt, and frustration. But, agony is what I feel right now.
Alone. Again.
Written October, 2003
Are you there, God? It's me, William again. I humbly come to you, my creator, with so much to be grateful for. Thank you so much for giving me the strength to rise this morning, and for blessing me with such a beautiful daughter. Thank you for allowing the air to pass through my lungs another day. With each passing day, I continue to praise you, hoping you keep the wondrous light shining down upon me. You have given me a talent I cherish daily, and the fact that my words touch others means so much. At times, the endless cupboard of energy and strength you blessed me with drives people crazy, but my intentions are good, Lord. The sole purpose of the breath you give me is to make a difference.
Recently, I was told that sometimes we have to specifically ask for what we need. So today, I come before your incredible spirit asking for the one thing that has evaded me: A REAL LOVE.
It was so hard rising from bed this morning, as I needed every bit of the strength you provide to will me to this computer. The other day, I said goodbye to love again. Tears met at my chin as another love boarded the train of heartbreak. Her destination: out of my life for good. Lord, I didn't want her to go, but she said we're not in the same place and time of our lives, that our destiny is to be friends. How can you accept that after giving your heart in a sacred way?
You indicated in Proverbs that man cannot direct his own steps, and you were right, Lord; oh you were so right. That is why I now leave the most treasured piece of my existence in your hands; my heart. I apologize for its battered and bruised state, missing pieces and frayed at the edges, please forgive its present condition. Twenty-plus years of excess baggage can do that. The favor I ask from you is to mend it this one last time, for I am a man that truly wants to love unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and completely.Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing left, Lord. Each heartbreaking experience takes something from me. I realize that you created me very different from most men in that I am in touch with my emotions, but it doesn’t make me weak. Because of you, I am both lamb and lion simultaneously. Through your love, you have given me insight on love that many fail to possess, and for that alone, I feel whole. Sadly, when it comes to your beautiful energy and its correlation with my life, it seems to be allergic to my heart.
Lord, you have instructed us to always love as if the first time, however after each bout with the residue a failed love leaves behind when awry has done something to me; it takes longer and longer to open my soul to the goodness I know you have in store for me. Fear can paralyze the warmest of them, and I am frightened of the pain that accompanies hurt, and frustration. But, agony is what I feel right now.
Alone. Again.
The feeling of love was once so strong in me, but I'm losing hope, Lord; I'm losing hope. That is why I need you to guide me, with your wondrous strength, to help me find that real love, that true love, that lasting love. The shared energy that starts with nothing and ends up with something, the mutual adjoining of spirits where worlds are complete as hearts, minds, bodies, souls and spirits fuse to one. The positive radiance that illuminates the darkest of skies, that makes the meek move mountains. The passion that never stays away when things go awry, the communal that prays together to stay together, the heavenly union that goes through the rain to appreciate your glorious sun.I want it so bad, Lord, I've tasted its beauty at times. I've held it, fought the good fight for it, longed for it during lonely nights, cherished it and appreciated when given rations of it, worked alone to salvage what appeared on the surface to be it, pushed it way in fear and because of the pain it often caused, abused it at times; please forgive my imperfections. I keep trying, Lord and I'm running into walls everywhere.
Tears are flowing from my eyes right now as the meditation of my words transfer to screen, and paper. Heavenly Father, I call upon you to reconstruct my soul yet again. I place all my faith in you, Lord, that you may build my tattered heart into an indestructible edifice once more. Please replenish my faith in love once more, one last time, Lord, so that when it comes I'll embrace it with everything I have, endlessly, fearlessly and totally. You are love, so I know that it can't be wrong when I tell people that your most precious gift to mankind, Love, conquers all.
Please help me find it.
Please help me find it.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
William Fredrick Cooper
-Copyright 2003
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